Ok, today I dove into the problem...and I'm baffled. I pulled all brake light bulbs, unhooked the brake light switch, inspected pigtail, pulled each relay/fuse individually and it STILL shows the brakes being on. I'm kinda wondering if there's a stuck switch in the PCM. Also inspected the cruise control deactivation switch wiring...just on a hunch. I really need to fix this junk.